When You Give Up: A Skyward Sword one-shot
by bladeofthebookworms
Summary: Link blames himself for the fact that Zelda fell from the clouds. He failed. A short story about what happens when the Chosen Hero gives up before he's even started... and how he overcomes those feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing. A Skyward Sword one-shot. Rated T for self-harm and attempted suicide.


When You Give Up

 **Warning: Attempted Suicide; Self-Harm** — **I don't want anyone getting hurt because of this! You are all amazing; you have great value and self-worth. That, actually, is the point of this little story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Zelda, although it's my dream to be a concept artist for Nintendo. I also don't own the song, "The Hero In Your Heart;" that credit goes to the insurmountably skilled Thomas Bergersen and Merethe Soltvedt.**

* * *

Link was slow to regain consciousness, slow to return to the waking world. His body ached, pulsing with dull pain that seemed to push him deeper into the depths of unawareness, whispering softly, _Don't wake up. It's easier that way. Sleeeeeeep…._

Something awful had happened. Something that left a gaping hole in his heart; something far more agonizing than the bruises littered across his being.

"...Ah, you're awake."

Link opened his eyes. He was in his room, and Headmaster Gaepora was sitting at the foot of his bed, his usually wide eyes unnaturally hooded and downcast. "When your Loftwing carried you back, you were limp and unconscious. I feared the worst. Fortunately, you don't appear to have any serious injuries. For that much we can be grateful."

Link struggled slowly into a sitting position with a brief grimace of pain. He frowned in concentration, struggling to remember what caused that awful feeling. He closed his eyes, and his aching heart burned and sank lower inside of him as he recalled what had happened. His eyes burned with tears.

Gaepora looked intently at him. "But, Link... Where's Zelda? She was with you, was she not? What happened to my daughter?"

Link felt unbearably hollow, completely empty inside. He couldn't bring himself to explain; guilt tore angry furrows in his soul and his hand curled into a fist of self-loathing. But this was her father. _Zelda's_ father. He deserved to know what had happened. "I… there was a… a black tornado." He swallowed thickly, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him. "I…" His voice cracked, and a choked sob escaped involuntarily from his throat. "I couldn't… couldn't save her. She… fell."

The all-too familiar voice in his head, the one that returned with each of Groose's beatings, the one that returned with every carving that went wrong, the one that returned whenever he slept in too late, the one that returned each time Zelda looked past him to wave to her other friends…. It was here now, with its snide, abusing comments and barbed words. _You failed,_ it sneered. Tears burned in his eyes. _Once again, you've failed. And this time is far, far worse. You failed to save your_ best friend. _You can't do anything, can you? You lousy, useless, cowardly_ —

"A black tornado, you say?" Gaepora frowned. "Hmm. That was no ordinary storm."

Link tried to stand, to start searching for Zelda at that moment, but his body flared in pain and his mind blurred nauseatingly. He sat back down quickly, trying to regain his breath.

Gaepora gently helped him lie down again. "You must not push yourself; you're still recovering. Tell me, when you saw Zelda today, did anything about her seem... off?"

Link wanted nothing more than to roll over, go back to sleep, and pray to the Goddess that he was dreaming. "She… she was talking about a world beneath the clouds, and a voice calling to her… and, also, I… I've been having weird dreams about a 'great mission.'" He gulped, the familiar voice growling within him. _Ha! As if_ you'd _be worthy of such a thing. Arrogant fool._

"I see," Gaepora murmured, stroking his short, pointed white beard. "How interesting..." He was silent for a minute or two as Link struggled within himself; then he sighed. "I'm sorry; I was lost in thought there for a moment. It's all very strange, but I doubt there's much of a connection between these things. I'm concerned for Zelda, but so long as she's with her Loftwing, I'm sure she'll be fine. Either way, daybreak has yet to arrive. It would be very difficult to spot one girl and bird in the dark of night. It would also be very dangerous."

"But—," Link began to protest.

Gaepora shushed him and headed for the door. "Get some rest, Link. Zelda will be fine. She's out there—alive. I know it." With a smile that was all at once grim, worried, and sympathetic, Gaepora left the room. Link looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap, and felt the keen emptiness within him. _I failed her,_ he thought dismally. _I tried to save her… but I couldn't. It's my fault. It's all my fault._

At last he broke down, tears fleeing from beneath his eyelids as he wept into the bedsheets. Tremors wracked his body; he felt horribly cold, and unimaginable pain coursed through his soul. He slid to the floor, his head knocking against the ground; he welcomed the pain. Angrily he pounded his fist against the stones, over and over and over again until at last the skin of his knuckles split and hot blood seeped from the torn flesh. His breath caught at the pain; his eyes watered and he cradled the injured limb to his chest, breathless sobs choking out of his shaking body.

 _Useless! Stupid! Lazy! Weak! Cowardly!_

 _You could_ never _handle life in the real world. You're just not strong enough. You don't get what it takes! You're stuck in your safe, sheltered, immature little world, and you're too blind to wake up and take responsibility! Now Zelda is_ missing, _and here you are doing_ nothing! _Some friend you are._

 _Do you ever wonder why she ignores you sometimes? Why her gaze passes over you in the hall when she sees her_ real _friends? It's because you're not half good enough for her! Not good enough for_ anyone! _It's because you're just a little boy, stuck in his fantasy while everyone else is growing up. Man up already!_

" _Shut… up…"_ Link mumbled, pressing the heels of his hands to his temples, trying to push the dark thoughts away. It wasn't working. He slammed his injured hand to the ground again, hoping that the pain would clear his head.

And it did… for a moment. An idea struck his mind.

 _I'm not good enough,_ he thought, not for the first time. _I'm not strong enough to handle real life. It's too much for me. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it._

He wiped the tears from his face. Swallowing tightly, he got to his feet and opened the door, shoulders drooping. _Only one thing to do, then…_

Tears trailed down his cheeks as he walked up the winding stairs, creeping past the Headmaster's quarters, past his professors' rooms, past… past Zelda's room. His heart ached. _Only one thing to do._

He opened the door, feeling the crisp night air chill his tears, felt it embrace his shivering limbs in aching emptiness that swallowed him whole. _Only one thing to do._

He thought of Groose, of Cawlin and Stritch; he thought of Pipit, an exemplar knight in every sense of the word… someone Link could never be. He thought of his teachers, of the disappointment on their faces when they caught him sleeping in class once again. And he thought of his Loftwing, crimson and beautiful… he thought of how he had failed to keep the magnificent bird safe from Groose and his cronies.

 _One thing to do._

The lights in the Sparring Hall were on, welcoming and golden. Link hurried closer and peeked inside; Commander Eagus was nowhere in sight, and the door to the bathroom on one end of the hall was closed. Link inhaled shakily. _This is my chance._

Before he could have second doubts, he thrust open the door and darted inside, into the warmth and the golden light. He made his way to the back room, wherein the training swords hung on the wall. Link lifted one of them and raised it, sweat soaking his chilled skin, tears burning in his eyes. _You deserve this. This is where you end. This is what you get for failing your best friend. This is what you get for not putting in the necessary preparation. This is what you get for being lazy, and for wasting your time. These are your just deserts._

He held the blade with the point facing his trembling chest as silent sobs shook his body.

 _Do it,_ urged the voice in his head. _For once in your life, don't be a coward!_

With a ragged cry he plunged it into his gut, just as he heard the Commander's voice. "No! Link!"

The pain was fierce, undying. It stole his breath. He looked down, half in amazement, at the sword's hilt emerging from just below his ribcage. A feeble whimper escaped his throat and he tumbled to his side, his head crashing against the flagstones. Everything went dark.

* * *

His world was muddled and horrible for what felt like an eternity afterwards. Pain blossomed from his abdomen and wrenched screams from his throat; this, he thought, was what it would feel like to be burned alive. His eyes stared ahead, unseeing, and he saw the blue-clad figure of his dreams standing next to the Headmaster, next to the Commander, and next to old Henya and Bertie the potion-maker. He felt his life draining through the blood leaving his body; he felt himself dying and wished he would just hurry up and give up. But there was something, deep down within him, that refused to give in, that fought against the demeaning voice in his hand shouting for his demise.

 _I can fix this,_ that little part of him urged. _I'll find Zelda, and bring her home safely. I can do this._

 _No, you can't,_ sneered the dominant voice in his mind. Pain wracked his body and he screamed in agony. He saw, once again, every one of his failures, presented to his mind with harsh clarity. The carving of a Loftwing, wings outstretched, misshapen and ugly; Zelda's face, lips pursed in disappointment; Groose's haughty sneer as he slammed blow after blow into Link's gut; the Headmaster, putting his head in his hands after discussing with Link the issue of his laziness.

But he realized then that didn't want to die. The voice in his mind was wrong; choosing to die was not brave, it was cowardly. True courage would come from continuing to live, despite the challenges and shortcomings that seemed impossible to overcome. True courage came from pressing on long after he'd given up, because it was the right thing to do.

Unconscious, Link grit his teeth. His brow furrowed in determination. _I will live,_ he decided. _I will find Zelda and bring her home safely. I will fix my mistakes._

He fought his way to the surface of his consciousness, fighting his way out of murky darkness and into wakeful agony. Sweat drenched his body; he felt as if he had been severed in half. He could hear low voices murmuring nearby; could feel tight bandages wrapped around his middle, could feel the stitches in his back and chest. A groan escaped his lips, but he welcomed the pain. It meant that he was still alive. He wasn't too late.

"Link?" It was the Headmaster's voice. "Can you hear me?"

Link cracked an eyelid open. The lamplight burned his eyes, but he fought the pain, meeting the old man's gaze.

"We thought we'd lost you there for a good while," Gaepora told him gently, his eyes betraying his concern. "How… how do you feel?"

"Better," he rasped, startled by how dry his throat was. "Has Zelda…?"

The Headmaster's face broke into a mask of misery. "No," he answered softly. "She hasn't returned. She hasn't been found."

"I will find her," Link vowed huskily. "I will bring her back."

"Our best knights haven't managed to do that, and it's been three weeks," Gaepora told him glumly. "I… I'm beginning to—"

" _No,"_ Link protested, forcing every ounce of his remaining strength into his voice. "No. Don't lose hope. That's the last thing that'll help Zelda." He closed his eyes, remembering his dreams of the woman in blue, remembering Zelda's own words about a world beneath the clouds. "No… she's alive. I will find her."

 _You will fail,_ the voice in his mind nagged. But that little part of him that refused to give up was gaining strength, and the nagging voice in his mind was just another Groose, a show of toughness concealing a weak, empty husk. He grit his teeth. "I _will_ find her," he repeated. "She's alive somewhere, and I will do my utmost to see that she returns home. Please… trust me."

There were tears in the old man's eyes now. He blinked rapidly, and Link met his gaze, weak and pale and in agony, and yet stronger than he'd ever been before. Gaepora inhaled deeply. "Link… I believe you," he admitted in a hoarse whisper. "I believe you, no matter what you've done in the past. If anyone can do it…" He swallowed tightly, nodding almost imperceptibly. He cleared his throat roughly. "When you regain your strength… meet me by the Statue of the Goddess. There's something I need to show you. I think… I think that you're finally ready."

He got to his feet and left the young knight's bedroom, his back a little straighter than it had been.

Link released a heavy sigh and allowed his eyes to slip closed as he fell into a deep, restful sleep.

Finally at peace.

The road ahead would be difficult, he knew. More difficult than anything his wildest dreams could conjure. But he would bear any burden that was laid upon his shoulders, for it was the right thing to do. _I'm not a child anymore. I can't afford to remain in the carefree world of innocent childhood, for that is no longer a reality. No; I must move on to the rest of my life, wherever that takes me._

 _I am strong. I have courage._

 _And, Goddess willing, I will not fail._

* * *

"Now this is where you find out what you're made of  
The hero in your heart will never leave your side  
Locked within right until that moment you give up  
The hero in your heart never leaves your side  
I bet you didn't know  
The hero in your heart  
Has strength beyond the known  
And never leaves your side  
You're the hero in your heart."

~ "The Hero In Your Heart" —Thomas Bergersen, Merethe Soltvedt


End file.
